Quarantine for me has been nothing short of the most intense emotional roller coaster of my entire life. Being sent home from college, the place where I truly felt independent and surrounded by so many people that I loved, seemed like the absolute end of the world. As I drove home alone, to the city that I had finally escaped, I got an email saying that instead of closing the campus for two weeks, it was going to be for the whole semester. Those “see you laters” turned into “see you who knows when, if ever again,” and I was once again pulled back into the walls of the town that I had always been so ready to run from. The people that I had lived with and grown with and learned with for the past 7 months were just ripped away from me like that. I was absolutely gutted. I could literally see my world coming crashing down. The first week of quarantine was quite possibly my least favorite week ever. I did absolutely nothing, and basically mourned the life that was never going to be given back to me.
Then gradually, over time, I realized something. I have never once in my life given myself time to stop and reflect upon it. My mind is always in a constant state of worry and anxiety about the future. Once I complete everything that needs to be completed, that means it’s time to continue planning and progressing as a human being, because true rest does not exist. That is what society has molded us into thinking. Never stopping is what’s necessary to be a successful person. Well that is dead wrong. During this time of nothingness, I have been able to see things so much more clearly. My opinion on the entire situation has completely changed. I am so thankful for this time I have right now, because I have really been able to figure some things out. No, I may not have been utterly productive and have a physical example of work to show for it, but I have made changes in myself that will benefit me for the rest of my life. I genuinely don’t know when these realizations would have come upon me had I not been in quarantine. Whenever it may be that we can all be back in reality, I know I will be ready for it.
So I compiled a little list in my journal of some little things that I have come to especially enjoy during this time right now. I do not wish to throw these away once real life commences. I hope to implement these into my real life and really understand that it’s ok to slow down once in a while, even if the world around you continues to spin. Truly being in the moment is something we never, ever do nowadays. I have always been constantly caught up preparing for the future, that I can guarantee that I have missed some of the most important things right in front of me. Shoutout to Professor Rodiguez, my amazing philosophy professor, for helping me to see that and strive for those moments where we are truly present in ourselves.
Later!
Andi
04.21.2020
P.S. Excuse my handwriting and (at times) spelling lol. I am just a kid and I was writing in my journal.
